| 5/30/2003 01:36:00 AM |
ahh. i decided to start drawing an hour ago and i just now came back to reality. hehe. things are pretty fuzzy. i learn new things everyday and more and more i question whether they mean anything. even crazy emergent things, like how evolution and physics and computation and knowledge are all related. i used to think that those were where i'd find virtue, that to swim around in those ideas and understand them and put my own twist on them was enough. i still have my bright eyes though, i don't think i'll ever give those up. it's just that i'm trying to figure out the answers to questions that can't really be put into words. why i am i doing all of these things? that's almost the rub. why is anyone doing all of these things? has everyone just acquiesed to being shackled to these jobs? how many people actually enjoy their life... all of it? is it nature or nurture which makes people suffer? is it nature or nurture which makes people aware that they suffer? is it nature or nurture which prevents them from saying, "fuck suffering. i'm blowing this popstand. i'm walking to costa rica. i'm gonna build a sail boat with my bare hands and i'm going to sail wherever the wind takes me."?
i guess that's the rub. the only problem is how to solve it. er... not the nature/nurture question, but the important one... yeah, the one involving cursing. anyway, the tao doesn't have any good handles. all i can do is scoop some in my hands and drink quickly before it drains through my fingers... should just go swimming. yup, but a grin is a pretty good cup for now. :) |
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Moosi
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