Yo, Put on Some Sandals

infinite goof

shine on, you crazy diamond

6/29/2003 10:22:00 PM

[ and call it real ]
here lies the water, slippery-solid underneath sprinting heels: it feels like i'm lying on the ocean. held up, and rocking, by some invisible canoe. my quickly numbing hands, poised indiscriminately behind tired hair, are the only thing that feel wet. but it's only the numbness talking. i think about the dipper... and what he means. he's also the mouse, the one who points the way, muad'ib, says senyor herbert. and suddenly, before i can drift off into thoughts of piglets and poohs, honey, i'm thinking "all you need is water and love, water and love." 5

6/28/2003 01:27:00 AM

[ don't cry. 'cause you're so right. ]
*bigrin* i want so much to save the world. i want to put it in a purple bowling-ball-bag and walk casually, sun-glassed past the white-haired fates on their dirty plastic lawn furniture, to wink at their scoffs. "bowling, eh? that's the poor man's game," they'll gibe. And liquid-quick will come my retort, practiced-perfect, "'tis indeed a poor man who seeks thunder without lightning. that's why i make electricity."

*puts hands in pockets* i'm singing, even though i don't know the words. always to the wind. hehe. but who am i? who am i to blow against the wind?

6/26/2003 06:33:00 PM

[ all those flaming violins ]

it's a different world everyday
i drew that a while ago. it makes me happy. especially when photoshop so conveniently forgives my blunders. oh yeah, my friend gave me all this anime. and there's one called naruto which i'm especially liking. it gets right to the rub of all my childhood emotional trauma. i relate so much to the main character, a demon fox imprisoned in a twelve year old ninja...yeah! so the theme song is imploring, "don't try to live so wise." thus, i am. i'm just a kid. er.. yeah, just a kidder. helpless and hapless... but swimming in it all, trying to keep grins over sins, not wise at all.

6/24/2003 12:04:00 AM

[ standing on this bridge ]
on my desk, there's a single, perfectly-folded, lily-white paper crane (i think youu made it)... sometimes i think it's all i've got. it's the only thing anyone's got. it's all the visions and dreams and arms and hands anyone has. to lift and hold... it never seems like much, but the strength is in the folds, and the folding. in that moment when the fearful symmetry of emptiness is quietly broken and that piece of carefully torn shade is given meaning, that's all there is, bursting with haiku-inspiring glory... i know nothing, i always know nothing. but you can't stop believing there's a solution. you have to hold tight to the lily-cranes... otherwise, there's no hope of flying. and humans were born with wings for a reason... through everything bad that happens. i can only try, in my awkward, skinny-legged way, to make it... less. no matter what it is. i try with all my might to point at the strawberries and, in all my ignorance, to send whatever i have. just wish it was more.

6/21/2003 02:08:00 AM

[ late-night bushido ]
ain't it always the truth. everything, everywhere points in calamity and calmness towards that simple, all-enveloping, idea: that "that's just the way that it is." did john the baptist realize it? maybe as his desert dessert mind was being dished out to the masses he glimpsed it all. did billy shakes? maybe as he grasped a prop and for a moment held that poisoned foil in his hand as well as his mind. could he yet prick the demons of discontent? was there a touch, a touch i do confess? or did he hesitate? did western civilization realize it? i don't think i did until now. and maybe i don't even realize it fully yet. but it's cool when all my doubts vanish, like the invisible man in the bermuda triangle. i hear unknown, freshly antique melodies in my mind, struck silent. i burst forth in tounges and suddenly realize it's something like english... yeah, and somehow i ended up writing funnily. oh well, i'm dreaming of you, and that's enough.

6/19/2003 11:34:00 PM

[ we waved our arms because our voices were not enough ]

Man can live the most amazing things if they make sense to him. But the difficulty is to create that sense. It must be a conviction, naturally; but you find that the most convincing things man can invent are cheap and ready-made, and are never able to convince him against his worst desires and fears. -Jung

ahhh, good ol' jung. too bad someone in my county is nefariously preventing me renewing it. i should lobby for a more interactive system. it's already online and all, i just want to see who wants the same books as me. it would make life more interesting... well, at least for those hapless fools who attempt steal my jung. anyway, there's so much time.

all the ribbons and roses,
and watered-down renown,
weigh, away, nothing
in that fated split-second
of latent brilliance.

and there's more so much more to it than that. if only i could bring it out! oh well. i just felt the need for something. and i'm still trying to make sense (in more ways than one), despite my desires and fears senyor jung!

6/17/2003 11:40:00 PM

[ there's lots of potential for a fry-cook. in two years i could be manager. king. god. ]
wah, i was foamy for a second there... sometimes i think i should make an attempt to be less quixotic. chasing after all these wonderful windmills. i turn so quickly to face the next idea that i can't really get a grasp of any axioms. i make some connection, but before i make good on it something equally fascinating comes and blows my hair back. in terms of ideas that is. i guess that's sorta why i rarely say more than two sentences at a time about the same subject, except if it's some funky psychological phenomenon like now. which isn't too good, because very little comes from these realizations. just, "wow, that's wierd." not, "hooly crap! that must be how..." aha! but if i invented a machine to digitize thoughts and the entire human experience in it's infintely infinite superbness that would give tasty bread from the windmills!! ...even if there is virtue in just looking at the windmills and admiring them, there's something special about building things. aw crap. i've said that before. so anyway, that's why i'm becoming a fry cook. that and just so i can say 'here's you plato shrimp, hold the hemlock.'

6/16/2003 01:06:00 AM

[ driving sideways ]
gwah, i forgot to say, "i feel the same way." but i dooo, i dooo. even if the poet in me is still trying to figure it out in rhyme and the scientist is calling it 'spooky action at a distance' and drawing lines in the sand. it's all such indescribable goodness.

6/15/2003 02:07:00 AM

...imperfections and all. griniful sleep (and a random thought of hamlet) gets the better of me.

6/15/2003 01:57:00 AM

[ when i fell into a phone call ]
paul simon is the greatest. next to all the whispers into the backs of prayer-worn pews, of course. i went canoeing today with my cousin... it was fun, in a sick-depraved way... that's my excuse for returning pomme-less. *sigh* i avoid it all nicely, don't i. hehe, no matter how hard i try to grasp the rub with both hands, i always end up swimming in the words or explanations instead. and it's always been clear to me that i do speak haphazardly and without a certain clarity (as hard as i'm trying to make sense right now). i just can't seem to find a better way. bluntness has never been my strong suit. there's just so much that goes unexplained. in every word, it's opposite is equally viable. and sometimes that unspoken clarity is so much greater when the words are fuzzy...and now i've done my thing again. get to the rub, ian!

yup, it's pretty hard. and so much easier to fall back on sciencilosophy...*more joyous sighmation* it feels like i'm living in a dream. gwah! that's actually what i should be doing right now! hehe, i love watching the sun-drenched sky. i love humming in a distant voice and winking at fireflies. i love the breeze on my face. and every second, in different ways, i'm trying my best to become... i want to squeeze your hand. and even though i spin off into all sorts of flickering ideas and shining thoughts of change, it's all about the pennies. :)

6/14/2003 12:07:00 AM

[ strange, bhikshu ]
diving is very cooly tangerine. when i'm underwater i get this eerie single-pointedness. not the clam...er.. calm kind, it just feels blank. once i get out though, and the droning of some far-off motor drowns out any potentially wince-inducing notes, i can sing my songs to the sea and be pretty happy. *shrug* ...so the dalai lama forced me to accept his viewpoint. i'm still not buddhist or anything. i'm just liking the immense clarity with which the bald guy just so happens to explain the whole idea of what religion and philosophy and worldview are supposed to be... yup, and i finally got a chance to sit and watch people pass by today. they all sounded so hurried. eventually i'll get around to writing something, as far as pommes and pies that is. i wonder how confusing my speech is. i don't intend it to be particularly so. i just talk differently sometimes because there're things which i see. and tangents are so appealing. maybe i think that just a word can trigger the same tangent in someone who's listening... gwah. elephants. i wish i could make people happy. and drop all of these pretenses which i use to individualize and protect my little world... darn you jung! oh well. see! that's why i need the dalai lama to balance out the jung. *refuses to think of the religious or psychological connotations of balance* yup, i'm still me.

6/07/2003 12:15:00 AM

[ lilliputian lilliputians ]
so i'm off to dive...604800secs. yup, the deep end. and i'm gonna read some jung! *does collective unconscious dance* er, that would be a dance that exists solely in the collective unconscious... because sometimes it's just so much better to shake your collective groove thang. heh, the lab is a pretty cool place. they should invite street musicians in though... ah. i haven't been good about saying what's on my mind lately. it's all... mhm. draggin' combs across my head and goin' into dreams. it's funny how the past seems like the blink of an eye and the future seems like an eternity. it's like falling out of black hole. i guess the main thing is...i need some goggles. aie, miss it much. oh well, the fish always did tell me not to bother none.

eep, talk atcha in a week. dream well world.

6/04/2003 11:59:00 PM

[ paraffin suchness ]
eh, somehow i was delusional when my alarm started talking this morning so i just slept for another thirty minutes. i got to work on time by some strange feat, but the road was closed on the way home. it was pretty dern cool listening to my random music station though. you could see the distraught faces of passerbys (er... sitterbys) perform impossible stunts of incredulity when my open window gave birth to some lofi rap followed by some sea change followed by some fish-slapping japanese music... yeah, more wisdom comes from open-mindedness...and open-eyedness... than from seriousness. and what is seriousness anyway? the refusal to be sidetracked? maybe, in a way, i never lost seriousness. always been looking for the same thing really... to grill the salmon of doubt.... no! i wasn't lying about being serious!...if only i knew the way...the wei, the whey, the oh so milky way.

6/03/2003 11:37:00 PM

[ baha'u'lla boofhead ]

yesh, i should write a essay about how titles improve the overall quality of life. they're like leaves on the sand. so this minister lady from church who's really nice and talks really well came over for dinner. she's moving to a different church. but i always like listening to her. she's remarkably peaceful, in a feather-tickled sense. she tells great stories and i'm always infinitely entertained trying to think of what she'll say next to very subtley try to adjust someone's thinking so that it too is more peaceful. my church is sorta cool, though. i don't particularly like going, i just like the ideas. unlike (i think) lots of other churches they know that church is just a community, not the end all be all spiritual part of life... hehe, that's enough of that... after burning my hands thoroughly at the lab today and sniffing wonderful amounts of chlorine gas i was waiting outside to be picked up (for some reason i'm being picked up and dropped off even though i'd rather bus or bike or... anything). i started by just looking at people's faces as they walked by. imagining what they did all day, what made them smile, where they were going. but of course such pondering cannot be allowed so they stopped coming. refusing to let my mind do it's usual waltz into the bogs of science, i started staring at this leaf. about five minutes later i realized how much i had in common with the leaf. which sent me into a fit of smiles and hums and stomach growlings... 'we're both moved by the wind,' 'we're both unmoved by the wind,' 'we've both made beautiful things,' 'we're both made by beautiful things,' 'we're both on our way to make more beautiful things'... that was just the more romantic of the questions, but sometime around yet another occurrence of the word 'things' someone started honking at me. it took me a while to realize that i was supposed to go somewhere... i think i'm slowly starting to actually behave according to the idea that there's no reason to have negative emotions. there really is absolutely no reason to feel bad about anything... unfortunately, that raises the question of whether there's reason to feel good about anything either... the real answer might well be no, not anymore reason than to feel bad. but positive emotions are so much clearer. and even though you can dive in murky waters. it's more fun when you can see everything, sharks in all... i'm quite random, aren't i. hehe.

6/01/2003 11:30:00 PM

hrm... did you eat my ramblings? because if you did i must reward you. somehow you knew that that was only my evil neurons talking (that's the evil faction of neurons... some neurons, like the one's that make me hum, are good). but if you didn't, or if you aren't really sentient... which you must be! so i'll assume the former... then oh well. it's all okay, the fog's lifting like it's late for a very important date, and the sun's coming out like... uh... it's gay pride day? hehe. such wonder.

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